I wrote this a few days before my nephew, Logan passed away. It's been hard for me to share until now, first of all because yes it's quite depressing, and second of all, I wasn't quite sure if I should share. I mean, its such a personal poem and anyone, ANYONE could be reading this. My blog is not private, and I have never intended it to be, but publishing this has left me questioning how many confessions i'm "publicly" trying to make. So this little poem has been living on the internet in the "draft" section of my blog, waiting to be "published".
In less than one week, Logan's first birthday will have happened, we will have walked a mile in his honor, we will have raised over $2000 dollars for SMA, and we will have missed the sweetest little blue eyed boy in the world. So . . . I thought it was fitting to let the demons out of the closet and share, no matter how depressing.
it's not thier job
baby's firsts are parents dreams
mama, dada, children's scream
announcing what is dear to them
those simple syllables for the mother hen
you move, you wiggle, you scream in delight
in fear, in pain, in startled fright
learn what to expect today
forgotten by tomorrows burdened ways
little finger wraped so tight
around your daddy's thumbless life
but none of these things your life will bring
instead of smiles are mama's tiers
daddy's dreams and lives disappear
out of pleasure the pain of loosing
blue eyes no longer searching the room
silent the most, ball of warmth
you didn't command the room but you took the worth
face dead and still, rain tapping on the windowsill
i wish i had never saw you there
can i remember what was your life
or the way you looked laying in the bassinet dead of life
mothers tiers could not replace
stripped from her arms by husbands hands
strong, but shaky, she still won't understand
she never wanted to let go,
but your body had started to turn cold
it wasn't his job to take him way
not a husband, not a father
not a wife, not a mother
not a aunt or a sister or a grandparent
not the job of me
not the job of you
this isn't a job anyone wants to do
We are walking a mile in Logan's Honor this weekend at the Smithfield Community Park, Please Join Us. www.fsma.com/lovinglogan
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