The life of a slave.

I heard someone say today:

"We are free. We are free, but we are a slave to what we love. And we are a slave to the ones we love, because they love us."

I am a slave to so many things.

Whatif By Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

To detail the busyness of my new life!

It has been a very busy August and it’s not over yet! Read below and find out why I have been neglecting my blog and leaving you (all eight of you) sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to see what has become of this recent job development:

August 3: The Ultimate Apartment Search! Mom and I took a very quick trip to Raleigh to find me a place to live. We ended up looking at over 10 apartment complexes, leaving us utterly exhausted. I, ironically, chose to live in the same apartment complex my sister, Paige and her husband, Andy lived in before they bought their house. This was the last complex we visited, but it was by far the best choice, though I had been hesitant to choose this option to begin with, despite eager persuasion by Andy. Needless to say, you were right Andy, but don’t let it go to your head.

For the remainder of that week I packed, packed, packed.

August 9: Last weekday at FPC. Though I will not be working at FPC during the week, I will be returning to work a few weekends during August and early September.

August 10-12: One Last Hurrah in Boone! I am sure this was not the last time Boone will have seen my face, but I wanted to take one last trip before my free time was limited to weekends only. This was an extremely short trip considering it took half the day on Tuesday to get there and half the day on Thursday to get back, but it was definitely worth it. The cool mountain air was as refreshing as I had remembered it and the New River meandered slowly as I drifted on a tube and fished for hungry river creatures. Oh, and I got to indulge on delicious tacos and beer from Boone Saloon. What more could you ask for?

August 13: Pick up 18 foot U-Haul. Load. Pick up apartment keys: Yes, I did move in on Friday the 13th. Yes, I did rent an 18 foot U-Haul to move me from the OBX to Raleigh. And, yes, we did fill it up. My grandmother recently consolidated her life from 2 houses down to 1. Fortunately, I got much of her furniture for my apartment which we have been storing in a unit until needed. After picking up the U-haul on Friday morning Dad, Mom and me drove over to the storage unit and loaded the truck. It was hot and the furniture was heavy! I left around lunch with my car fully loaded to pick up the keys and check-in to my new apartment.

As I turned my key in the lock, I felt an odd sense of relief, though my emotions continued to be calm as they had been throughout most of this experience. It smelled of new carpet and sparkled of fresh paint and cleanliness. Use to older houses, bugs, mold, and pure neglect of college apartments, I was surprised by the condition it was in. And very excited that I would soon be living here!

Layne and Ansley, my sister and her niece, helped break in my apartment by leaving traces of crackers and lining my bathroom drawers. Mom arrived with another carload of my belongings and we moved in what we could. The big things were coming tomorrow.

August 14: Dad arrives with the U-haul. We, or I should say Dad and Andy, moved in my furniture, while Mom and I directed, unpacked, and setup. Thanks again to everyone that helped. We would’ve never been able to do it without you.

August 16 -20: First week of work as an NC state employee! YooHOO! Benefits galore.

After work today, I head back to the OBX to work long hours at FPC. Benefit: I get free coffee, YUM!

One step at a time. Am I ready to be a grown up?

Tomorrow I am headed to Raleigh to search for an apartment. Scary.

Hypnotizing dreams about future endeavors and nightime busyness.

The crickets outside hum in unison announcing the night. Their song seems to play on indefinitely as their constant chirp mesmerizes everyone, but me. I can't find the beat. Voices from surrounding neighbors begin to hush, and even firecrackers are silent tonight. Are we having a silent night in awareness of something? I feel out of the loop. If only their song would sing me to sleep.

My eyes focus past smudges and fingerprints on the lenses of my glasses and on the images of the computer screen instead. My teeth grind voluntarily and my legs tap the smooth wooden floor at intervals out of tune and unrelated to the melody of the orchestra outside my window. I am waiting for the caffeine to wear off. I am waiting for the cricket's song to hypnotize me into sleep and hopefully into dreamland.

I am partially glad I am awake. Though, I know tomorrow I will drag, as my alarm buzzes me awake with the sun and I push my body, stiff and lethargic from my sleeping cocoon. I have much to do. Tonight I have only crossed one thing off my list, a small accomplishment, but a least I have succeeded in that.

Tonight, I hope I dream about my new life, my job, my apartment, my future. It's okay if it's a scary dream or if it's nostalgic. I can handle either. I just hope for insight, thought, plexplextion. Any type of inclination will do.