Hello old friend. I just revisited "A private blog and a heavy heart"written over four years ago and as I lifted each word from the screen, I felt my heart slowly being strummed. How clear it was then that I was miserable and unhappy, trapped in an unwanted life. Wow things have changed. Maybe that was the start of it all, the slow unravelling of miserable. Sometimes you have to find yourself at the bottom of it all before you can even start to swim.
Things that have happened since 2014:
- We lost Anna
- I let go of Adam
- I implored ways of breaking life: cheating, coworker sex, drunkenness
- Becoming the darkest version of myself, which was really quite easy as I was already there
- Learning to work with my hands
- finding my creativity
- finding love that I want, even if it doesn't want me
- finding love on my terms
- finding myself
- finding my brightness
- being okay with balance
I've been asking the world to be kind to me lately. To take me away from the darkness. To let me love again. And I've been trying to be kinder to the world. I'll give what I receive and I've finally found that all I want is to love and to be loved in return.
