We all consist of negative and positive ions. In fact, not just us, but everything around us, everything that has ever been or will ever be consists of a negative ion and a positive ion. A yin and a yang. A source of good and a source of evil.
It must be stated that I am not religious. I do not believe we will all end up in either heaven or hell. I am not superstitious. I have broken many mirrors and crossed paths with numerous black cats. I don’t believe in the little green leprechaun and his rainbow of luck. I do however believe that everything is interconnected and that everything is balanced on a very sensitive scale of equality. Not religion, but science and fact.
Many of my childhood memories have an underlying activity. The activity of waiting. Singing the jeopardy song after school when my mother was late. At the end of this song she will be here, I said to my bff. This was the day my mother had fallen on her way to the eye doctor. She was late because she was getting stitches in her knee. The pain I felt in my chin as I waited for my dad to get the doctor from church to stitch up my chin on our kitchen table. Waiting for my mother to take me to the hospital after crushing my hand in the school door. Waiting to sell our home in Altavista to move to North Carolina. The sound of buzzers and splashing water at swim meets and my mother saying don’t draw that on your paper. It was the yin yang symbol. Something my mom thought was wrong. I will never know why she thought this, maybe she thought it was a gang sign, maybe she just didn’t know, but I didn’t stop drawing it. That image, that yin yang, has been drawn on my school papers, diary pages, schoolgirl notes, receipts for as far back as I can remember. But until this moment, until yesterday, when I experienced yet another balancing act I didn’t realize.
You are probably confused. Does this sound like the ramblings of a crazy person? I’m sure you are asking, What didn’t you realize?
I’m sorry I cannot answer that question. I cannot explain the yin and the yang, the opposites, the balancing act. All I know is when I would read The Runaway Bunny as a child and lose myself in the beautiful drawings I would replace the mother bunny walking across the tightrope with myself. I never knew how true this would be. I am a tightrope walker. And it is easier than it looks, the world balances out for me, but in return I have to deal with the emotional change. I am still frightened of falling.
Today I will go to my beautiful college town of Boone. And again, like last year I will have both good and bad news to bear. The world has once again balanced out on me in this garden of good and evil.
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
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