My apologies (again)

I have been apologizing a lot lately. Not just here in my virtual blog world, but in the real, physical and emotional world, as well. But this apology is in advanced as opposed to after the fact, like most of my past apologies. 

What I am apologizing for, I’m not quite sure, for you see it hasn’t happened. I think I am apologizing for my absence. I think you will find this blog lacking a voice in the next few days, weeks or months. Either that or it will be an amazing outlet for emotional release, and then I apologize for the depth of my thoughts that you will endure. I hope it is the latter, but I am apologizing in advance for either. Partially due to the fact that I know myself too well, and I typically immerse myself in absence instead of suffocation.

My “absence” is a reminder of how life can be completely uncontrollable. I understand the needs of “control freaks” or those with OCD. The repetition in behavior acts simply as a regulation of life. As most lives are completely out of one’s control, and remain that way despite regulations or controls imposed by the individual.

This may appear quite contrary to "in the garden of good and evil", a post written in October by yours truly. I explored the illustrious idea that “for every reaction there is an opposite and equal reaction”.  So now you ask how in fact can I believe that one has no control over life or reactions, when I have clearly stated the stifling effects of yin and yang?

I want to point out that in one paragraph I speak strictly of an individual’s control over its own destiny. As opposed to "in the garden of good in evil", I speak of life as a system and a whole. These large differences in terms create quite another opposing act. Ironic? Or, not as much as it seems?

So in the end, one’s life is uncontrollable, whereas life in general is placed on a very delicate scale balanced only with good and evil. 

Life is still something I don't completely understand.