Wanted: Benefactor To Fund Dreams

I know what my largest goal is in life. And, No, It is not listed on my Life List on the right, but it should be. Only I have one big problem, bigger than my dream itself: I don’t know how to jump.

I want to open my own business and truthfully, I don’t care what the hell type it is. I’ve juggled many ideas before. They started as elementary as selling my art or jewelry and morphed into grand businesses like B&B’s & Inn’s, breweries & restaurants, bowling alleys, and drive in movie theatres. My biggest obstacle is not having any start-up money and not knowing where this comes from or how to get it. I keep telling myself I’ll retire early with entrepreneur shoes. Only I know that will never happen and I want to do this now, when I’m young, not old and crotchety.

So answer me this: How do I start a business at twenty-five with no money, no collateral, no angel contributor, but a big dream??

P.S. My Dad is a big fan of the Grateful Dead. He use to call me Sunshine Daydream, my sister's, Sugar Magnolia and Scarlet Bagonia. Sometimes we would mix them up and call each other by the different names. It didn't matter to us. I think all three of us have a little of each mixed in anyhow. 

Surprise!

Look what I found the other day lurking around my backyard! 

I guess that's why they call it Alligator River. 

1ST ANNUAL LOVING LOGAN WALK // SMA AWARENESS

The walk for Logan this past weekend went well. Thanks to all who supported us. It was a dreary rainy day, but at least the air temperature was warm. I find when I am around my family, I have these strange flighty thoughts. They come so quickly and I have to stop myself from asking out loud, where is Logan?

But really, I have been wondering, where is Logan?

Happy Birthday, Logan!

Today Logan would have been one.

Please help us raise awareness for this horrible disease! Come to Smithfield Community Center this Saturday, March 24th, where we will be walking a mile in his honor at the Loving Logan Walk for SMA. Event Day Registration starts at 7:30 a.m.. Walk starts at 9 a.m.

I miss him.

We all miss him.

Tonight I will light a candle in his honor.

new tune tuesday

The Loving Logan Walk for SMA!

I wrote this a few days before my nephew, Logan passed away. It's been hard for me to share until now, first of all because yes it's quite depressing, and second of all, I wasn't quite sure if I should share. I mean, its such a personal poem and anyone, ANYONE could be reading this. My blog is not private, and I have never intended it to be, but publishing this has left me questioning how many confessions i'm "publicly" trying to make. So this little poem has been living on the internet in the "draft" section of my blog, waiting to be "published".

In less than one week, Logan's first birthday will have happened, we will have walked a mile in his honor, we will have raised over $2000 dollars for SMA, and we will have missed the sweetest little blue eyed boy in the world. So . . . I thought it was fitting to let  the demons out of the closet and share, no matter how depressing.

it's not thier job

baby's firsts are parents dreams
mama, dada, children's scream
announcing what is dear to them
those simple syllables for the mother hen


you move, you wiggle, you scream in delight
in fear, in pain, in startled fright
learn what to expect today
forgotten by tomorrows burdened ways


little finger wraped so tight
around your daddy's thumbless life


but none of these things your life will bring
instead of smiles are mama's tiers
daddy's dreams and lives disappear


out of pleasure the pain of loosing
blue eyes no longer searching the room
silent the most, ball of warmth
you didn't command the room but you took the worth


face dead and still, rain tapping on the windowsill
i wish i had never saw you there
can i remember what was your life
or the way you looked laying in the bassinet dead of life


mothers tiers could not replace
stripped from her arms by husbands hands
strong, but shaky, she still won't understand
she never wanted to let go,
but your body had started to turn cold


it wasn't his job to take him way
not a husband, not a father
not a wife, not a mother
not a aunt or a sister or a grandparent
not the job of me
not the job of you
this isn't a job anyone wants to do

We are walking a mile in Logan's Honor this weekend at the Smithfield Community Park, Please Join Us.  www.fsma.com/lovinglogan

New tune thursday

I was out of town earlier this week and missed New Tune Tuesday, so like many times before, I have converted Thursday into New Tune Thursday.

This tune was a hard one to choose, Delta Spirit has become my new favorite band and this album, History From Below, rocks my socks off.

So here is what I recommend:

After clicking the tape below and watching the You Tube video of Devil Knows You're Dead, go to grooveshark and look up the album History From Below, press play and enjoy. I promise you won't be disappointed (and if you are, I hate to say it, but your taste in music sucks).

Chapter 2 - On the Outer Banks

Adam and I can officially start chapter 2 of our life together - our little family is back together.

A perfect place for an afternoon nap!

Or a beer! I have a pretty good companion too.

A Letter To Old Friends

Dear College Girlfriends,

I miss you all so dearly. What happened to that time where our lives were so intertwined we became sick of each other? I am listening to a song called Tuck the Darkness In by the Bowerbirds, as I begin this letter. There is a repeating phrase, “oh my dear friends”, it evokes a feeling I cannot describe, but it is a feeling that I have known very well in the past. Maybe some of you will have this same feeling as you hear those words, uttered so perfectly from those lips. Those words can be blamed for this reverie.

I once knew you each so well, but I am no longer afraid to admit that I know none of you anymore.

We are like seeds sown by an attentive gardener. Reaped at the end of each season as the days grow short and the nights long. These seeds laying in the wrinkly lifelines of the gardener, so small, so fragile, but the role of these tiny things, so utterly important. Through the winter the gardener becomes familiar with these seeds, their every freckle of imperfection or godliness, depending on the storm within the gardeners soul. But the gardener can only think of the future with these lovely seedlings. Then the sun bursts through the clouds, the days grow warmer, hopes turn to reality and out into the earth the seeds go. Theses seeds burst with their freedom, the tending of their lives with organic nature. They sprout, they change, but the seeds themselves, those very seeds so intertwined within the gardeners and each other’s dreams just a few short winter months ago, those very seeds will never be seen again. They are now something else, somebody else, with new responsibilities, dreams of their own, and hopes of future generations and change.  Those seeds will never be seen again, but what they reap will always be felt, by everyone around them.

Dear little seedlings, I miss you all, but I enjoy sharing in the lives that you grow. Only I haven’t been to tend the garden in a long time and I miss you.

LOVE

 -           Another little seeding that has been carried away by the wind and the rain, like most of you have too. 

Only 3 More Days!

I know I had New Tune Tuesday yesterday (on Tuesday), but Adam reminded me during our daily morning talk of how perfect this song is for today! Because really, we have ONLY THREE MORE DAYS! Sometimes I think Ray was made for Adam and I. And, I will never forget the beauty of our 'first date', drunk on red wine, laying in the grass, listening to live Ray LaMontagne. Enjoy, the extra tune this week. And remember: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

new tune tuesday

Bowerbirds - "Bur Oak"

Guest Post from the dog

Hi friends! This is a guest post from Lola ‘Bear’ Cline, with me translating, of-course (otherwise it would come out as just groans and puppy noises).

Ruf! That’s dog language for Hello. Mommy has let me do a guest post on her blog today. And thank the doggy heavens, because I have officially moved to the beach and when I got here I was all like, woah, It smells fishy. But now I am back with my Mommy and guess what, she let me sleep in her bed all last night. She had the really soft pink down comforter on it and it was all like goose feathers, so I dreamt about chasing birds all night long. That’s my all time favorite activity, in case you didn’t know. I think I kicked Mommy a little throughout the night I was dreaming so hard. Ru-oh, sorry Mom! But now I am waiting for her to come home. She told me if I was good, she might take me for a walk. I like walks, so I am being very, very good. I have only barked at the workers a few times today. And I have put black hair all over only half the house. Woooo, Mommy will be so proud. I miss my daddy though. He gets to come down at the end of the week, but I’m just a dog so I don’t really know when that is, but Mommy says we will be all back together again. Boy. Girl. Dog. One little happy family! I’m so dog-gone excited. Woof, woof! 

Thanks for letting me bark at ya! Here's a photo Mommy took of me! I had just had my first bath in my new beach home! Woof! Woof!

Hello and goodbye.

I've had a little blog redesign, thanks to shabbyblogs.com. I have finally said goodbye to the ole swing set drawing, which was a very difficult step for me. That photo had been a part of this blog since I first started rambling away on here. An original, by yours truly, it was created based on an image in my dream. This image had returned to me in many different forms for almost an entire summer. At the time I felt as if this skeletal figure, which often appeared as a female, but sometimes also ambiguous, was one of my only friends. She dwelled within me and my renderings of her was the way she lived within the world that you and I dwell. I know, it sounds crazy, but the more I would draw this lady the less I would see her, until poof, she was gone. And now she is gone from this blog, as well. It makes me a little bit sad, but it was time. Goodbye old friend, hello new possibilities.

Maybe I'll draw something again soon to replace it, but not likely. I'm in an artistic rut, but my writing has been fabulous. I guess you can't always have it all.

Anyhow, welcome to the new blog, redesigned, and probably with many more redesigns to come. So keep checking back. I'm always here.